"Work from home and earn 20-25 bucks an hour. No experience necessary."
You will see several ads for this on wahm.com,
...and for data entry,
...and posts about women who have their own multi-million dollar "Candle Business".
I am here to debunk the myth of the WAHM (For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it stands for "Work at Home Mom"). I personally think the term should be WOHP-Work at Home Professional. It's a much cooler term, and it doesn't bias the situation with sex.
I know several people who work at home, work in the car, work at the coffee house. They are both men and women, both moms and dads.
I work from home, and happen to be a mom too. The more the term WAHM is thrown around, the more I find myself being taken less seriously. I don't sell candles, I don't do data entry, I don't do ghost writing for Stephen King. I do exactly what I did before I had children (design). I know WAHMs that work for the Rand Corporation, that are Sociologists, etc.
One of the women in my "virtual office" was featured on the Today Show a few months back. It showed her shuffling her three kids off to school in an orderly fashion after feeding them a healthy breakfast, and "commuting 6ft. to her office". She confided in me that this was the most organized she's ever been. They were up at 4:30 to have everyone neat and tidy for the show.
What I found interesting is that they focused the show on a woman. It wasn't about work at home parents, it was about a work at home mom. The show concluded with a woman who sold "designer clothing" from her home. She summed up the show in a sales pitch about how the clothing was the "finest quality" (holding a garment for the camera to see) and how you too could join her team and sell these "fine"products. I swear I saw the camera zoom to the street and her driving away in a pink Cadillac branded with Mary Kay.
My colleague that was featured is nothing like this woman. She has skills beyond your typical Avon sales lady. She is doing what she did before she became a mom, she just happens to do it remotely. She is not kicking legos around under her desk while she works. She goes to meetings. She owns suits.
I remember going to a meeting with a banker that was going to work a loan out for a home we wanted to buy. My husband was there first, I came second with the kids. The man (granted, he was an older fellow, stuck in the stone-age) looked at me as he worked out our finances, and said "with these two, I am presuming that you stay at home". I was in the midst of putting out coloring supplies for my oldest to keep her occupied, and probably nursing the baby at the same time. So, I guess it was an honest mistake. I simply said "yes". It was true. I DO stay at home.
While he was working out the numbers, he suggested "we'll just put no income down for you". I honestly don't know where he thought we were going to get the money to buy the house we were looking at if I had no income. I think the words "back up buddy" came out of my mouth. Maybe I just stuttered "Oh no. I have a profit statement here from my business, please take a look". At this point it became apparent that I could bring home the bacon and nurse the baby at the same time.
Still that doesn't take me out of the Avon lady role. I probably could sell enough Avon to buy a house. I don't know, does Avon still exist? I know that Mr. McConnell (and Jr.) made a bundle from women going door to door, and selling products to their friends. Timing is everything. Women! You can now work! Go sell beauty products to your friends! They even "Sponsored Radical Feminist Hate for Fathers Day, featuring known lesbians, man-haters, and supporters of child sexual predation such as Rosie ODonnell, Jane Fonda, Eve Ensler, and Marlo Thomas. (What? Get a load of THAT link if you want a laugh).
So, the way I see it is: women were allowed to work. We gained stride... we got out of the bondage of the house. People questioned, "is it good for the kids?". Our guilt got to us. "Mr. Mom" was just not working. We decided that we could work at home. We could be professionals AND watch the kids.
Or maybe, just maybe, a little thing called "the internet" was developed an enabled more people to not have to commute. It enabled us to go to work on our couches, in our own living room office. To be at work at home. To be a professional on the toilet.
So, I guess the stigma attached with WAHM is, not so much the "Work at Home" part, but the "Mom" part. WAHM suggests that even though you work at home, you can still be responsible for the home and the kids, simply because you are a "Mom". ("WAHD" could also be an appropriate term for Dads. As in "Whad you say? I can't concentrate on anything else while I'm working". The site for WAHD's though was built by a WAHM. She decided to be a web designer too while she was at it.)
The Today Show says that this is normal, a new phenomenon. How wonderful that women can work at home so the kids aren't in day care. They actually make Supermom action figures now. I'll tell you, society better pump us up with this stuff, especially if we are going to keep our stride.
We tried to have men do their fair share at home after we hit the work force. This failed miserably in most cases. So we had a couple of choices:
1. Ditch our efforts and resolve to staying at home washing diapers
2. Continue to climb the corporate ladder, leaving our kids in daycare until as late as we can, so that we can compete with those not responsible for the kids (aka. men), all the while feeling a huge amount of societal guilt
3. Adapt by working where the kids are, thumb over the phone receiver, on conference call to London, LA, and New York, baby on the boob, laundry machine going.
4. Doing data entry and earn a WOHP-ing 20 bucks an hour.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
I have a husband, and I actually like him.
So, I guess it's been about a year since my husband and I went out. It was the last time I got pregnant. I can't even remember who watched our daughter that night. We went out with the usual babysitter to see Lou Reed, so obviously it wasn't her.
Yes, we had our first "date night" in over a year. This wasn't out of macho-mommyism, it was only out of practicality. While I was pregnant I was lucky to make it through an episode of "Friends" without passing out in the papasan chair. Once the baby arrived it was the "leave my child with a stranger? ARE you out of your MIND?" syndrome.
Unfortunately, because we can't remember who watched our oldest the night we went out, and because we started hanging out with the old baby sitter, our choices are limited to strangers. This is what happens when you rip up your roots. Not only did I rip them up, I landed in a strange little town where everybody's a "healer" or a naval gazer, and it's not shocking to call someone's answering machine to hear "Welcome to the porch, the naked porch". We actually had a tenant in our guest house request that we re-grate the driveway because it was messing with her chi.
We were more daring with our oldest. Or maybe more desperate. I remember having a sitter come to our house. She was a perfectly charming person with great referrals from our handy-man. That is, until she started talking about "the aliens". This was not a simple haphazard comment. She had the whole thing down... the "reptilians", the "blackies", etc.
My husband is a big fan of talking with people about this stuff. We started our date night an hour late because of it.
So, now you are making the connection, yes, we actually did go. We actually left our daughter with this woman for a night. I remember sitting in the car and looking at my hubby and him looking at me, "do you think it will be alright?"
We knew where the woman lived, we knew her neighbors. Where we live, it's quite common for otherwise normal people to talk of alien life, or have seen alien life, or to have been abducted and "probed" by aliens. My husband made an entire radio talk-show out of it for a while. So we drove away.
If it's not aliens, it's some other eccentricity. Our oldest's first babysitter was the wife of the son of Elizabeth Taylor (I didn't know this until much later), she simply loved babies. The second was my husbands extremely bi-polar friend and his girlfriend. The third was the alien lady. We actually used her more than once. The reason we stopped using her was that she was a general pain in the ass, complained about how difficult the VCR was to use, complained about the steps, complained about misc. other things, and finally we came home one night to find our daughter wide-awake on the bed with the woman snoozing beside her.
Is it just here? Are sitters that are sane and reliable hard to find elsewhere? What happened to the days of high school girls wanting to babysit for a buck an hour? Good wholesome girls, with no interest other than watching kids. Oh god, what am I saying. I know what happened, and I am happy for it. Go girls, get the gold... you'll end up watching kids anyhow when the time comes, AND bringing home the bacon, AND doing the laundry, AND fixing the car.
I am actually all for my child care provider getting more than anyone else. I think they are a valuable asset and should be paid properly, but I also hate to break the bank just to get reacquainted with my husband. This is why we NEVER go see a movie when we have a sitter. I can't see spending fifty bucks to sit facing forward watching something with someone that I never get to talk to.
We are like long lost friends that see each other all the time but never connect. We make an effort to sit in my studio at night and drink a glass of wine together and talk after the kids are asleep (a couple of times a week). I value this time, but the place is not optimal. I look at the computers and have a nasty habit of asking him a question, and if he doesn't know the answer, jumping up to do a quick Google search. How annoying...
It's amazing that we conceived a second child at all. The oldest was still sleeping in our bed at the time. The baby wasn't conceived there (sick), it was on the living room floor (not sick, but not all that comfortable either). We've actually rented cheap hotel rooms for this very purpose. Where do you go when you can't be in your own bed? I suggested parking, but my husband did NOT grow up in the suburbs, where there are places for this. L.A. isn't conducive to parking, so he'd never experienced it, and really wasn't into it's cramped style (literally). So a cheap hotel it is, and I would suggest it to any married couple, however trampy it may seem (or maybe that's the appeal).
I remember one of the times my parents were in town and watching our oldest. We took a trip to a spa with wonderful outdoor tubs, then took a long drive in the woods where we saw a herd of wild horses (for real), then we ended the day in a cheap motel, in a cheap town on the way home. I will remember it forever, it was a perfect day.
The great thing about having a date with your husband is don't need to put on any kind of a front. You are not thinking about whether or not there will be a second date (or third or fourth). You can simply enjoy each other's company. When children are added to the mix, one of two things happens: 1. It breaks you up (do to several factors that are really clear to me, but for another post), or 2. It puts some time in between the quality moments and adds to rediscovery when you actually do get that precious time alone.
So, aliens, cheap hotel rooms, it's all worth it in the long run. After all, when I first met my husband, he drove me to the "premier alien abduction spot" in the middle of the desert (after I had had a few beers). This was our first date. And THAT story is for another post.
Yes, we had our first "date night" in over a year. This wasn't out of macho-mommyism, it was only out of practicality. While I was pregnant I was lucky to make it through an episode of "Friends" without passing out in the papasan chair. Once the baby arrived it was the "leave my child with a stranger? ARE you out of your MIND?" syndrome.
Unfortunately, because we can't remember who watched our oldest the night we went out, and because we started hanging out with the old baby sitter, our choices are limited to strangers. This is what happens when you rip up your roots. Not only did I rip them up, I landed in a strange little town where everybody's a "healer" or a naval gazer, and it's not shocking to call someone's answering machine to hear "Welcome to the porch, the naked porch". We actually had a tenant in our guest house request that we re-grate the driveway because it was messing with her chi.
We were more daring with our oldest. Or maybe more desperate. I remember having a sitter come to our house. She was a perfectly charming person with great referrals from our handy-man. That is, until she started talking about "the aliens". This was not a simple haphazard comment. She had the whole thing down... the "reptilians", the "blackies", etc.
My husband is a big fan of talking with people about this stuff. We started our date night an hour late because of it.
So, now you are making the connection, yes, we actually did go. We actually left our daughter with this woman for a night. I remember sitting in the car and looking at my hubby and him looking at me, "do you think it will be alright?"
We knew where the woman lived, we knew her neighbors. Where we live, it's quite common for otherwise normal people to talk of alien life, or have seen alien life, or to have been abducted and "probed" by aliens. My husband made an entire radio talk-show out of it for a while. So we drove away.
If it's not aliens, it's some other eccentricity. Our oldest's first babysitter was the wife of the son of Elizabeth Taylor (I didn't know this until much later), she simply loved babies. The second was my husbands extremely bi-polar friend and his girlfriend. The third was the alien lady. We actually used her more than once. The reason we stopped using her was that she was a general pain in the ass, complained about how difficult the VCR was to use, complained about the steps, complained about misc. other things, and finally we came home one night to find our daughter wide-awake on the bed with the woman snoozing beside her.
Is it just here? Are sitters that are sane and reliable hard to find elsewhere? What happened to the days of high school girls wanting to babysit for a buck an hour? Good wholesome girls, with no interest other than watching kids. Oh god, what am I saying. I know what happened, and I am happy for it. Go girls, get the gold... you'll end up watching kids anyhow when the time comes, AND bringing home the bacon, AND doing the laundry, AND fixing the car.
I am actually all for my child care provider getting more than anyone else. I think they are a valuable asset and should be paid properly, but I also hate to break the bank just to get reacquainted with my husband. This is why we NEVER go see a movie when we have a sitter. I can't see spending fifty bucks to sit facing forward watching something with someone that I never get to talk to.
We are like long lost friends that see each other all the time but never connect. We make an effort to sit in my studio at night and drink a glass of wine together and talk after the kids are asleep (a couple of times a week). I value this time, but the place is not optimal. I look at the computers and have a nasty habit of asking him a question, and if he doesn't know the answer, jumping up to do a quick Google search. How annoying...
It's amazing that we conceived a second child at all. The oldest was still sleeping in our bed at the time. The baby wasn't conceived there (sick), it was on the living room floor (not sick, but not all that comfortable either). We've actually rented cheap hotel rooms for this very purpose. Where do you go when you can't be in your own bed? I suggested parking, but my husband did NOT grow up in the suburbs, where there are places for this. L.A. isn't conducive to parking, so he'd never experienced it, and really wasn't into it's cramped style (literally). So a cheap hotel it is, and I would suggest it to any married couple, however trampy it may seem (or maybe that's the appeal).
I remember one of the times my parents were in town and watching our oldest. We took a trip to a spa with wonderful outdoor tubs, then took a long drive in the woods where we saw a herd of wild horses (for real), then we ended the day in a cheap motel, in a cheap town on the way home. I will remember it forever, it was a perfect day.
The great thing about having a date with your husband is don't need to put on any kind of a front. You are not thinking about whether or not there will be a second date (or third or fourth). You can simply enjoy each other's company. When children are added to the mix, one of two things happens: 1. It breaks you up (do to several factors that are really clear to me, but for another post), or 2. It puts some time in between the quality moments and adds to rediscovery when you actually do get that precious time alone.
So, aliens, cheap hotel rooms, it's all worth it in the long run. After all, when I first met my husband, he drove me to the "premier alien abduction spot" in the middle of the desert (after I had had a few beers). This was our first date. And THAT story is for another post.
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